Partner’s Role for Birth & After
- Pray/Hope for a safe birth for mother & baby.
- Be guardian of the environment by controlling temperature, lights, noise, & who comes into the room. (be a birth bouncer)
- Respect the nesting instinct before and after the birth. Avoid major changes- help her get done with tasks she feels must be done before the birth. (food, furniture moving, cleaning, etc)
- Focus your attention on her, especially in labor. Try not to be self-conscious or concerned with your “performance”.
- SMILE! Smiling is contagious and creates a happy hormonal response.
- Rest when she rests, wake when she wakes. Be sure to eat nourishing foods for yourself and stay hydrated too. She needs you!
- Update your doula often. If she loses mucus, if she’s feeling specific pains, activities or positions you’re trying, etc, and when she wants her to join you. Typically a doula arrives during active labor when other comfort measures are no longer working, or even if she needs extra emotional support.
- If you feel anxious and need a job to do, take out the birth supplies, set a few things up, clear the area for the pool, make your bed nice and neat so it’s ready for her afterwards.
- Don’t fear this experience. Birth is not a medical event!
Early Labor
- Rest, eat and drink.
- Allow and aid her in relaxing and sleeping.
- If she is too excited, suggest activities to do together. Bake. Oatmeal muffins or cookies are great for breastfeeding, make a cake for baby. Do a puzzle or build baby furniture. Go out to eat, anything to get her mind off of labor! But during this time, Rest is key. Sex is a great idea too!
- Serve her soothing & nourishing foods and drinks.
- Encourage her to not use up her burst of energy. Rest and Naps are most important right now.
- Massage her back, shoulders, feet. Whatever she likes!
- Enjoy quiet time together. Pray, meditate, touch, talk about her concerns, fears, & changes this birth will bring.
- Time a few contractions, update Doula. If she can still talk through contractions she’s not in active labor yet.
- If she is comfortable with it, check her butt crack and see if there is a purple line forming up the crack. (sorry there’s no nice way of saying butt crack lol) This phenomenon is called “The Purple Line” and with many laboring women indicates how dilated they are the further the line travels up. In early labor, get a baseline as a starting point to see if it moves later on.
Active Labor
- Continue with fluids and easily digestive foods. She may not want to eat, but ask her to try. She needs nourishment for the baby.
- Walk together. Suggest different labor positions to try, have patience.
- Play music she likes. Sing, dance together.
- Provide massage, counter pressure, and touch relaxation, soft kisses. The same hormones that get the baby in, gets the baby out.
- Give reassuring words, reminding her of the reward at the end of the work. Avoid disturbing her concentration with irrelevant conversation. (only yes or no questions in active labor)
- Provide eye contact and breathe with her. (have good breath, doula will always have gum or mints)
- Be 100% present. (no TV, video games, phone calls, texts, etc)
- Help her find an effective position. Hips should always be open, use pillows for support
- Use different comfort measures- heating pads, cool cloth, lip balm, massage oil, warm shower or bath.
- Remind her to empty her bladder and comfort her while she is on the toilet unless she wants privacy there. Toilets are a great place to labor.
Pushing
- Give sips of water or ice chips between contractions.
- Support her in various positions.
- Help her to relax and let go when she is not pushing. “let your body do the work” “all you need to focus on is breathing baby down” “rest, use this break to relax” etc
- Use gentle and simple communication. “ You are so strong & beautiful.” “I love you.” “Good work.” “I see the head!” “We’ll get to meet our baby soon.”
- Fan her or provide a cool washcloth for her forehead or back of neck.
Birth
- Help her reach down and catch the baby together.
- If the cord is wrapped around baby, simply unwrap it over babys head.
- Stay with her, birth announcements can wait.
- Adore your baby together.
- Be mindful of the cord, it should not be compressed or pulled. It may be too short to where baby cannot reach her mothers chest.
- The birth is not complete until the placenta has been birthed. Placenta birth is not painful, though contractions will still occur during the process.
- Have a bowl ready for her placenta.
Postpartum
- Limit guests, especially if the birth was hard.
- Help her with her physical needs. Serve her meals, prepare a sitz bath, fill her peri bottle, and help her keep comfortable.
- Help with newborn care. Have skin to skin time with baby too.
- Care for pets, plants, housework, laundry etc. It is important to accept outside help in this area, as well.
- Utilize grocery pick-up/delivery! It saves so much time.
- Control visitors. Keep in mind she will still be healing. She will also need to breastfeed often, and it may be more difficult if there are frequent guests.
- She should do nothing for at least the first week. Encourage her to stay in bed, eat, nurse baby often. Help her shower at least every other day. Let her enjoy time by herself to decompress.
- Always make sure she has water near. Breastfeeding will give her an insatiable thirst.
- Protein, healthy fats, fresh fruits and vegetables, and oats are important to a postpartum woman.
Red Flags (extremely rare)
If water breaks and fluid is discolored any shade of green or brown that is not blood- notify doula and determine your comfortability. Meconium is normal, especially past 41 weeks, but pay attention to baby’s heart rate often. Clear, pink, yellowish, or strings of blood is normal.
Fever. Her temperature may change often, but if she feels very hot and unwell there may be an infection which should be treated.
If baby stops moving, movement dramatically decreases, other than baby resting.
If mom feels like something is wrong and it’s not typical transition phrases like “I can’t do this.” “I need drugs, etc.”.
Extreme belly pain, not contractions. Severe pain that does not subside after contraction ends.
If there is an excess of bright red blood, clots, or babys hand (not followed by the head) has emerged.
Excessive blood after giving birth. Moms can lose a decent amount of blood and still feel fine, so it’s important to consider how she feels first. Typically, losing more than 3 cups of blood is a cause for action. Getting her something to eat and drink helps. Taking a dose of Chlorophyll is good. Angelica Root and Motherwort tincture. Shepard’s Purse tincture may be given after placenta is out. Uterine massage and Shock position if transfer is imminent.