Father’s Role for a Facility Birth & After
- Pray/Hope for a safe birth for mother & baby.
- Be guardian of the environment by controlling temperature, lights, noise, & who comes into the room. (be a birth bouncer)
- Respect the nesting instinct before and after the birth. Avoid major changes- help her get done with tasks she feels must be done before the birth. (food, furniture moving, cleaning, etc)
- Focus your attention on her, especially in labor. Try not to be self-conscious or concerned with your “performance”.
- SMILE! Smiling is contagious and creates a happy hormonal response.
- Rest when she rests, wake when she wakes. Be sure to eat nourishing foods for yourself and stay hydrated too. She needs you!
- Update your doula often. If she loses mucus, if she’s feeling specific pains, activities or positions you’re trying, etc, and when she wants her to join you. Typically a doula arrives during active labor when other comfort measures are no longer working, or even if she needs extra emotional support.
***IF YOU NEED A DOULA NOW CALL JILL 609-892-3931 (View “Last Minute Doula” Package in Services)
- Don’t fear this experience. Birth is not a medical event!
Early Labor
- Rest, eat and drink.
- Allow and aid her in relaxing and sleeping.
- If she is too excited, suggest activities to do together. Bake. Oatmeal muffins or cookies are great for breastfeeding, make a cake for baby. Do a puzzle or build baby furniture. Go out to eat, anything to get her mind off of labor! But during this time, Rest is key.
- Serve her soothing & nourishing foods and drinks.
- Encourage her to not use up her bursts of energy. Rest and Naps are most important right now. She is most likely anticipating the worst right now. Help her stay calm and happy.
- Massage her back, shoulders, feet. Whatever she likes!
- Enjoy quiet time together. Pray, meditate, touch, talk about her concerns, fears, & changes this birth will bring.
- Double check the hospital bag. Don’t forget to pack snacks or pick up food on the way!
- Time a few contractions, update Doula or Midwife. If she can still talk through contractions she’s not in active labor yet. Try to wait until active labor before heading in. Distract and encourage her to rest.
- If she is comfortable with it, check her butt crack and see if there is a purple line forming up the crack. (sorry there’s no nice way of saying butt crack lol) This phenomenon is called “The Purple Line” and with many laboring women indicates how dilated they are the further the line travels up. In early labor, get a baseline as a starting point to see if it moves later on.
Active Labor
- Continue with fluids and easily digestive foods. She may not want to eat, but ask her to try. She needs nourishment for the baby and may not be able to eat until after birth.
- Walk together. Suggest different labor positions to try, have patience. The shower or bath can relieve a lot of pain. Sitting on the toilet is an awesome place to labor too.
- Play music she likes. Sing, dance together. (Need music? Birth Playlist on Youtube or Soft Birth Playlist on Youtube)
- Provide massage, counter pressure on her lower back, and touch relaxation, soft kisses. The same hormones that get the baby in, gets the baby out.
- Give reassuring words, reminding her of the reward at the end of the work. Avoid disturbing her concentration with irrelevant conversation. (only yes or no questions in active labor)
- Provide eye contact and breathe with her. (have good breath, doula will always have gum or mints)
- Be 100% present. (no TV, video games, phone calls, texts, etc)
- Help her find an effective position. Hips should always be open, use pillows for support
- Use different comfort measures- heating pads, cool cloth, lip balm, massage oil, warm shower or bath.
- Remind her to empty her bladder and comfort her while she is on the toilet unless she wants privacy there. As mentioned, toilets are a great place to labor.
***IF YOU NEED A DOULA NOW CALL JILL 609-892-3931 (View “Last Minute Doula” Package in Services)
In The Hospital
- Let her focus on laboring. Have her ID and insurance card ready. Be the person to handle the paperwork. Know her Due date, how far along she is, birth date, medications, and any allergies or pregnancy complications.
- Tell the nurses about anything that’s really important for baby such as delaying the cord clamping or immediate skin to skin. If you have a birth plan, give them a copy.
- Do not be afraid to speak up. Your role is a protector now, while still maintaining a loving and calm, respectful attitude.
- Ask your doula for anything. If you need a break to get some air, something to eat, use the bathroom (hallway bathroom for #2!), that’s totally fine! You doula is here for you, too.
- Once the baby is born, pay attention to what the doctor is doing. If the Doctor is about to clamp the cord too soon, calmly but firmly say “Wait, don’t clamp yet.” Cords should be white and no longer pulsing before it is clamped. Your doula can try to help communicate this as well.
Pushing
- Give sips of water or ice chips between contractions.
- Support her in various positions.
- Help her to relax and let go when she is not pushing. “let your body do the work” “all you need to focus on is breathing baby down” “rest, use this break to relax” etc
- Use gentle and simple communication. “ You are so strong & beautiful.” “I love you.” “Good work.” “I see the head!” “We’ll get to meet our baby soon.”
- When crowning, suggest to her that she feel it. It’s nice to know one of the parents were the first to touch their own baby. This can be super encouraging for her too.
- Fan her or provide a cool washcloth for her forehead or back of neck.
Birth
- Help her reach down and catch the baby together.
- Stay with her, birth announcements can wait until the room is cleared and everyone is settled.
- Adore your baby together.
- Limit guests, especially if the birth was hard.
***IF YOU NEED A DOULA NOW CALL JILL 609-892-3931 (View “Last Minute Doula” Package in Services)
Postpartum
- Help her with her physical needs. Serve her meals, prepare a sitz bath, fill her peri bottle, and help her keep comfortable.
- Help with newborn care. Have skin to skin time with baby too.
- Care for pets, plants, housework, laundry etc. It is important to accept outside help in this area, as well.
- Utilize grocery pick-up/delivery! It saves so much time.
- Control visitors. Keep in mind she will still be healing. She will also need to breastfeed often, and it may be more difficult if there are frequent guests.
- She should do nothing for at least the first week. Encourage her to stay in bed, eat, nurse baby often. Help her shower at least every other day. Let her enjoy time by herself to decompress.
- Always make sure she has water near. Breastfeeding will give her an insatiable thirst.
- Protein, healthy fats, fresh fruits and vegetables, and oats are important to a postpartum woman.
Notes
(This will give you brownie points – will not go unnoticed if used!)
No one enjoys bathing in a dirty tub. Before labor even starts, take some time to scrub the shower and bathtub for her. I like to use dish soap and a dual-sided sponge. Bleach any tough stains. Scrub up the walls and any ring around the tub. She may want to use the tub during labor, or after birth to soothe her aching body. Your doula can help prepare an herbal healing bath for her and baby as well.
If she is struggling with breastfeeding, try to suggest donor milk before resorting to formula. Remember there are professionals willing to come to your home to help resolve the problem. Breastfeeding is a learning experience for both mother and baby. Being able to ask for help is important.
Red Flags (extremely rare)
If water breaks and fluid is discolored any shade of green or brown that is not blood- notify doula and determine your comfortability. Meconium is normal, but pay attention to baby’s heart rate often. Clear, pink, yellowish, or strings of blood is normal.
Fever. Her temperature may change often, but if she feels very hot and unwell there may be an infection which should be treated.
If baby stops moving, or movement dramatically decreases, other than baby resting.
If mom feels like something is wrong and it’s not transition.
Extreme belly pain, not contractions,
If there is an excess of bright red blood, or baby’s hand not followed by the head emerges
***IF YOU NEED A DOULA NOW CALL JILL 609-892-3931