Make no mistake, I don’t regret my c-section. I sure as hell mourn what could have been with my first birth, that’s a given. But regret? No. Not anymore.
If I didn’t live through that I may not be where I am today. Maybe I would have never learned what a doula was, and never have become one.
It takes time to process a traumatic birth. I’m still working through mine to this day. Seven years later.
The blame gets passed around. It’s been:
-The doctors fault.
-The midwifes fault for breaking my water without my consent.
-My fault for agreeing to the induction in the first place.
-The pitocins fault.
-The epidurals fault because I was stuck in bed.
-My fault again.
-The nurses fault.
But who’s fault it was doesn’t really matter anymore. We will never know. It happened. And neither you or I can change that.
Was it a lack of education on my part? Lack of care on theirs? Maybe.
But knowing what I know now, the outcome could have gone way differently had I known my baby was in a terrible position. Had I known about positioning in general! Had anyone in that labor room known anything about it as well.
If I could go back in time I would have told myself to not only hire a doula, but learn the important positions for labor and birth. I would have rocked on my hands and knees, opened the brim, and also give that midwife hell for breaking my water like that. But I digress..
You never know how your labor is going to go. You just don’t! But wouldn’t it be nice to have an encyclopedia of options and techniques to combat any obstacle in your way? Regardless if you have an epidural or not? Well that my dear is a doula. A doula is that encyclopedia. Among other things.
So I sit here with my complacency of my first birth. But it makes me a better, stronger person. And with that I hope others can learn from me.
-JillBaby